Time Batteries, or What do you see in 3 hours?

http://harvardmagazine.com/2013/11/the-power-of-patience

immersive attention: the opposite of this post, and oh, so important, so necessary.

She said,

"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It’s like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can’t stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.” --Anne Lamott

Paul Harding's "Tips"

This article, http://publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/60070-5-writing-tips-paul-harding.html#path/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/60070-5-writing-tips-paul-harding.html , says so much, so well, it deserves to be read and re-read, again and again.

He said,

“Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives - choice, not chance, determines your destiny.”

Clearly, I'll need to read more about Aristotle, the source of this! From a brief look online, it seems that this quote probably comes from one of his two books on Ethics, and the word translated as "Excellence" may also be translated as "Virtue."

There are many questions that come to mind (about context, about meaning and translation to name a few), but let's put those aside for now: I simply haven't time.

The key element here is this formula:
high intention + sincere effort + intelligent execution = excellence.

What a scale for measuring our endeavors! Even if the goal isn't guaranteed (I'm dubious that "choice... determines your destiny"), what a magnificent criteria!

Such a criteria must certainly set a path towards success... even if the meaning of "success" itself gets redefined along the way.

Goals: Fall, 2013

No fancy explications here today, no distracting verbiage, simply the goals I'm setting as I look past the end of the summer break (The Little One's school resumes in 20 days.)
1. Organ: pedal-work, practice, a repertory piece each quarter, study: working toward the AGO Service Playing Exam in 2014. This is the primary goal; time to become the professional I pretend (or feel like I pretend) to be.

2. Piano: continue developing technique and repertoire.

3. Public performances coming in 2014, 2015, 2016, & 2017, perhaps in September each year. Don't know what the rep will be, or where I'll be playing. It might be piano only, or piano and organ. Right now, it doesn't matter. The goal is to make it happen.

The reason for all this? "No More Nebbische" (Jan. 2, 2013) says it pretty well. To summarize it simply: I've fallen into a rut, and it's time to clamber out. Time for Sisyphus to take a sledge hammer to the stone, and carry the pieces bit by bit to the top of the hill. Time to focus on becoming, not just being.

Recently read, 2013

Updated December 17, 2013
(See also "Notable Reads.")

--I believe I"ve missed some here, but I'll try to make the list as complete as possible--
Dancing on Ashes, Anne McGravie
Far from the Tree, Solomon
Too Loud a Solitude, Bohumil Hrabal (barely begun--to revisit)
You Were Never in Chicago, Neil Steinberg (dabbled in)
Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore
The Wild Way, Tanya Huff (also fun)
Enchantment Emporium, Tanya Huff (a fun read!)
Codex, Lev Grossman (thumbs down)
A Quest Lover's Treasury of the Fantastic
The Magicians, Lev Grossman
The Glory of Their Times
Wherever I Wind Up, R. A. Dickey
The Rose Rent, Ellis Peters
Rainbow's End, Ellis Peters
Sorry Please Thank You, Charles Yu
Tales of Wonder, Jane Yolen
Briar Rose, Jane Yolen
Plutocrats, Freeland (unfinished)
An Antic Disposition, Gordon (unfinished)
The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
In the Land of Invented Languages, Arika Okrent
The First Murder, Medieval Murderers
The Golem and the Jinni
The Riddle of the Third Mile, Colin Dexter
From Elvish to Klingon
http://mith.umd.edu//eada/html/display.php?docs=vespucci_letters.xml (must read more of this)
A Doctor's Gold Rush Journey to California: Israel Shipman Pelton Lord (partially read)
Van Gogh: The Life, Naifeh and Smith ((incomplete: a long, slooww read))
Death to Go, Harrod-Eagles (the last of this series for me, at least for now)
Death Watch, Harrod-Eagles
Orchestrated Death, Cynthia Harrod-Eagles
The Baritone Wore Chiffon (what's the opposite of "recommended"?)
The Neruda Case, Roberto Ampuero
Alif the Unseen, G. Willow Wilson
Trafalgar, Angelica Gorodischer (transl. Amalia Gladhart)
http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/armstrong_04_13.php (Karen Armstrong's review of McCullogh's Silence)
The Art of Fielding
Practicing: A Musician's Return to Music, Glenn Kurtz
Dreams and Shadows, Cargill (abandoned)
The Book of Imaginary Beings, Borges
The Dragonriders of Pern, McAffrey
The Case for God, Karen Armstrong (unfinished; may want to return to this sometime)
The Haunted Bookshop, Christopher Morley (less good than "Parnassus")
Parnassus on Wheels, Christopher Morley (good fun)
Ellis Peters' Brother Cadfael, various titles (See the "Brother Cadfael" Post, below.)
Erasmus of Christendom, Roland Bainton (unfinished)
Music, Imagination and Culture (unfinished)
Monk's Hood, Ellis Peters
One Corpse Too Many, Ellis Peters
The Heretic's Apprentice, Ellis Peters
The Holy Thief, Ellis Peters
The Sanctuary Sparrow, Ellis Peters (not notable, but well-enjoyed)
The Language Wars, Henry Hitchings (unfinished)
Brain Bugs, Dean Buonomano (incomplete)
To Play the Fool, Laurie R. King
The Great Night, Chris Adrian (abandoned)
One Hundred Names of Love, Dianne Ackermann
Requiem, Frances Itani
The Trumpet of Conscience, Martin Luther King, Jr. (of special note is the final section, "A Christmas Sermon on Peace")
Charles Dickens by Claire Tomalin [first notable book of 2013]

the ordinary

but the ordinary is the miracle.

Ordinary love and ordinary death
ordinary suffering, ordinary birth,

the ordinary couplets of our breath,
ordinary heaven, ordinary earth.

from Derek Walcott's Tiepolo's Hound
(as quoted in Ordinary Genius)

Betwixt Twain and Aristotle

Last week was a wash-out. A waste. A nearly complete miss, which the adverb does sadly little to mollify.

Yes, there are reasons (there nearly always are, after all), but they really don't matter. What does matter is re-starting today. Turn, and begin again. Re-dedication.

It helps that FB is loaded with motivational quotes this morning:

"A habit cannot be tossed out the window;
it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time."---Mark Twain

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."---Aristotle

And, not being willing to argue with the likes of Twain & Aristotle (it sounds like the name of a fine pub somewhere), I renew the plan: Exercise (why? it's healthy for mind (!) and body), piano (why? because I need it, like a painter needs to paint), Hebrew (really? Yes--this matters to me not because it's useful--it may never be useful--but because it's a challenge I want to meet, an enrichment I desire), and, next week, organ technique (because the pedal board is progressing, but I can do better).

Rebuilding requires recognition of the altered landscape--but the wise ones tell us of the importance of building excellence, coaxing ourselves (one step at a time) into being more than we were.

And that, ultimately, is the true goal.

Brother Cadfael

Since I've been enjoying the Brother Cadfael (medieval suspense) books, I've been having trouble keeping up with my "Recently Read" list. So here, cribbed from (http://cadfael.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Cadfael_Books) is the full list of Cadfael mysteries:
1. A Morbid Taste for Bones (written in 1977, set in 1137)X
2. One Corpse Too Many (1979, set in August 1138)X
3. Monk's Hood (1980, set in December 1138)X
4. Saint Peter's Fair (1981, set in July 1139)X
5. The Leper of Saint Giles (1981, set in October 1139)X
6. The Virgin in the Ice (1982, set in November 1139)X
7. The Sanctuary Sparrow (1983, set in the Spring of 1140)X
8. The Devil's Novice (1983, set in September 1140)X
9. Dead Man's Ransom (1984, set in February 1141) X
10. The Pilgrim of Hate (1984, set in May 1141) X
11. An Excellent Mystery (1985, set in August 1141) X
12. The Raven in the Foregate (1986, set in December 1141) X
13. The Rose Rent (1986, set in June 1142) X
14. The Hermit of Eyton Forest (1988, set in October 1142)
15. The Confession of Brother Haluin (1988, set in December 1142)
16. The Heretic's Apprentice (1990, set in June 1143)X
17. The Potter's Field (1990, set in August 1143)
18. The Summer of the Danes (1991, set in April 1144)
19. The Holy Thief (1992, set in August 1144)X
20. Brother Cadfael's Penance (1994, set in November 1145)

I'll mark an X after I've read each.

Why do I enjoy them? Enjoyable plots and primary characters, a slightly romantic tone, and the author's excellent vocabulary! I love her word use, the historical setting is pleasantly accurate (I suspect there are small discrepancies here and there (I know, for instance, that there was mention of the harmony of a composer who lived long after Cadfael would've) but they don't distract from the perceived period authenticity) and the puzzles are nicely crafted.

More than being about the puzzle, though, these novels are more about the interactions between Cadfael and his community with the people, the time and troubles that sweep over them.

UPDATE, April 12, 2013:
Just finished Raven in the Foregate yesterday, my least favorite of the series (so far). I think it's time for a break from Peters & Cadfael.

Snowbanks, with some rain

The week before Lent started, I posted regarding my determination to be less of a nebbisch (if you're curious, see the January post for what this is all about). Looking at the progress I had made to make better choices, I wrote:
In large, I'm quite satisfied with how I'm doing...
But this is only a start, and it really won't amount to anything if it fades away like snow banks under the rain. This is progress, it's true, but it's provisional--it can (and will) erode so easily, if the new habits of action aren't maintained.

Now, in the midst of the Lenten busyness, with the heights of Holy Week looming ahead (I'm a church musician, so it's the busiest time of year), I have this to report: the snowbanks are still there, but the rain has fallen, too.

This is Not the report I was hoping to give.

I'll try to be clear. In some areas, I continue to progress nicely. The physical exercise continues, and is nearly habitual. Nearly every morning, Monday through Friday, I do about 35 minutes (combined) of cardio and strength stuff, and the progress, albeit slow, is noticeable. Against all my expectations, this is the area that seems to have overcome its initial inertia, and is rolling almost (note the "almost"!) on its own, with little effort to maintain that motion.

The chorus experience is very pleasurable, too. It's unclear to me if this will be a long-term hobby, or is just fun for this semester... but I'm enjoying it now, and, for now, that's enough.

But of course there is a "but." Pianistically, the progress has slowed down: I'm missing days of piano practice, and some of the practice days are merely playing what I've already learned. There's little, if any, learning progress now. So re-focusing is needed. Which is difficult because, as I said, Holy Week is nearly here with all its added rehearsals and music prep. And once Easter is past, Easter 2, 3, 4, (etc.) will need to be planned. And so it goes.

It's a tough time for a musical hobby.

On the other hand, I need to maintain what I've done (the last movement of the Beethoven is nearly there; the Chopin feels like it's much where it was a few weeks ago). So this is the plan: exercise, then 10-15 minutes of piano: some facility work (i.e., scales, Hanon, broken chords) and careful maintenance on the Beethoven and Chopin. I'm not going to expect these to come to completion now (maybe in early April); instead, the goal is to maintain and clean what I've got going now.

And the other "But" is for Hebrew and reading: items that I had started (or intensified) last year, and want to maintain. As Lent started, I decided to use a Lenten self-study resource on The Lord's Prayer. Unfortunately, it was the proverbial straw that, well, you know, and both it, and the Hebrew fell by the wayside with the proverbial camel. I've done very little Hebrew since Ash Wed.

And, although I'm very much enjoying reading Ellis Peters' "Brother Cadfael" mysteries--highly recommended fun reading, with wonderful vocabulary usages--it's not exactly the kind of reading I want to be maintaining over the long term. Where's the depth? The intellectual challenge?

Well, perhaps this isn't the time. Maybe it's too much to expect. Maybe that would be too hard. Or, perhaps those are mere excuses for taking an easy way out. Excuses and easy exits are both Very Nebbischey.

Not what I want to report Next Time, either.

So, as I said before, the snowbanks are standing--the physical exercise is building, the piano is staying level, and only the Hebraic snow pile has significantly diminished--but there's rain during this busiest season.

And I need to either put up my umbrella, or go inside and work like a mensch. 'Cause the nebbische thing is just not what I want to be.

"Recently" read books from before 2013:

The Future in America, H.G. Wells (incomplete)
Phoenix Guards (re-read; a favorite)(last completed book of 2012)
1912: Wilson, Roosevelt, Taft and Debs--The Election that Changed the Country
Gulliver's Travels
William H. Taft: 27th President of the United States, Falkoff (youth bio, but only Taft bio available at my library)
Theodore Roosevelt: A Strenuous Life
The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao [unfinished]
The Hobbit
Murder Must Advertise, D. L. Sayers
Clouds of Witness, D.L. Sayers
The Geographer's Library (unfinished)
The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club, D. L. Sayers
In the Teeth of the Evidence, D. L. Sayers
Hangman's Holiday, D. L. Sayers
Lord Peter Views the Body, Dorothy L. Sayers
Happily Ever After, John Klima, ed. [dabbled in]
Unnatural Death, Dorothy Sayers
Strong Poison, Dorothy Sayers
After the King: Stories in Honor of J.R.R. Tolkien
A Murder Is Announced, Agatha Christie
Angel with Two Faces, Nicola Upson
Phoenix Rising: A Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences Novel
How to Live Safely in a Science Fiction Universe, Yu
The Pun Also Rises: How the Humble Pun Revolutionized Language, Changed History, and Made Wordplay More than Some Antics
Best Friends, Worst Enemies (unfinished)
The Canterbury Tales
The Swiss Family Robinson (unfinished)
Let the Great World Spin, C. McCann
"Sci Fi": http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/243874
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
I'm God, You're Not: Observations on Organized Religion and Other Disguises of the Ego, Kushner
The Spirituality of the Cross (unfinished)
The Parisian Prodigal, Alan Gordon
Sir Gawain and the Green Night (transl. by Tolkien)
Luminarium, Shakar
Born to Be Good (unfinished)
Watery Grave
1Q84
The Rainaldi Quartet (first new book of '12)
The Fellowship of the Ring
God's Secretaries
The Little Prince
Republic, Lost (unfinished)
the complete Nero Wolfe mysteries by Rex Stout
Boswell's Life of Johnson (unfinished, but wanting to read more!)
What the Gospels Meant, Wills
The Upright Piano Player, Abbott
You Gotta Have Wa (unfinished)
Secret Life of the Grown Up Brain (unfinished)
Borkmann's Point, Nesser
Mind's Eye, Nesser
Part Time Pastor, Full Time Church
On Being Lutheran
Theology: A Very Brief introduction
The Baseball Codes
The Revolutionaries

Less nebbischey, perhaps

"This is about changing how I choose to live my life (to sound grandiose about it), or, more simply, how I choose to act. These are additions—choices to add to what I already do, choices that I can make to become more of who I really am, rather than remaining a nebbische guy."

They say ("they" in this case being a source known to my wife rather than to me) that Resolutions typically last six weeks.

Well, it's been about six weeks since I posted my "No More Nebbische" manifesto, and as I said at the time, I didn't (and don't) consider it a "New Year's Resolution." It was more than that: it's about changing how I choose to act, additional actions to strengthen me personally and professionally.

Now, a more seasoned writer might take this chance to discourse eloquently on the fine distinction between an attempt to change oneself and a mere resolution. But since I admit that the distinction may be so fine as to be nonexistent, I'll merely continue to assert: this is no mere resolution. It's about changing who I am by changing the choices I make daily.

And, having thus buttressed my assertion of purpose, I will continue by assessing my progress.

In large, I'm quite satisfied with how I'm doing. (I'll try not to hurt myself as I pat my back.) Each weekday (with just one exception) since January 7, I've exercised both body and pianistically. I've made good progress into the Chopin Ballade in G minor (really, it ought to be called The Great), and the final movement of Beethoven's Sonata op. 28 (the "Pastorale"). My fingers are more supple (thanks to a gentle but steady diet of scales and selected Hannon exercises), and have a degree of control that wasn't present at the start of the year. Progress is, in this case, not a comfortable disease, but a steady, if minute, growth of ability. It just needs to continue.

Physically (in terms of exercise), I've been getting a good 20-minute (roughly) cardio exercise each weekday, along with some simple, light strength-work for my arms.

On another area, I've joined a local community chorus, and am having fun singing with a dedicated group of adults. I still need to work on social skills here, honestly... but it's a good start.

And on the concern of maintaining what I had been doing, I continue to dedicate reading time (it's important to me to maintain some semblance of mental capacity), and some time reading (if not understanding) Hebrew. I'd like to do more on the Hebrew, but it's the most dispensable of all these various activities.

So after all this busy-ness, what conclusion do I come to: am I less of a nebbische guy than I was at the start of January? Perhaps so. Yes, in general I think I'm starting to rediscover a core to mysef and to believe in myself in a way that I didn't during the chaotic end of 2012.

But this is only a start, and it really won't amount to anything if it fades away like snow banks under the rain. This is progress, it's true, but it's provisional--it can (and will) erode so easily, if the new habits of action aren't maintained.

I'm hoping that when I check back in here on (or around) March 7, in the midst of Lenten busy-ness, I'll be able to continue to report that I am indeed, a little less nebbischey, perhaps.

"In a world facing the revolt of ragged and hungry masses of God's children;
in a world torn between the tensions of East and West,
white and colored, individualists and collectivists;
in a world whose cultural and spiritual power lags so far behind her technological capabilities
that we live each day on the verge of nuclear co-annihilation;
in this world, nonviolence is no longer an option for intellectual analysis,
it is an imperative for action." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Rinse, rather, repeat...

The first day of Spring term was today for The Little Prince, and, therefore, was the first day to implement the actions (and changes) I discussed in "No more Nebbische," below.

And I must say, I'm quite pleased with the start. Good Exercise, Good Practice, decent Work (at Work), and a Productive Afternoon (so far). Good, good and good.

Now the tricky part: "Lather, Rinse, and Repeat," say the shampoo bottles. An old TV ad for who-knows-what said that they didn't want to process 100,000,000 Whatevers correctly, their goal was to process 1 correctly, and then repeat that 100,000,000 times (or some such).

Do it right. Build on it. Build new habits, build a new brain!

miraculous Mozart?

"Once we invest music with supernal qualities, once we maintain (there are learned papers to this effect) that Mozart can ease childbirth pains and stimulate brain cells in laboratory rats, it ceases to be music at all and becomes a part of humdrum mundanity, along with unemployment statistics and the football results. Sooner or later, you will read that Mozart can cure cancer.

"The challenge for my working life is to rescue music from such tedious misconceptions and restore its gift to elevate us above the irksomeness of everyday life." --Norman Lebrecht, "The Mozart Delusion," http://www.standpointmag.co.uk/node/4832/full

No more Nebbische

As I thought about myself recently, especially over the last six weeks (or so) of 2012, I came to the conclusion that, somewhere along the line, I turned into a Nebbisch. Rather weak, rather ineffectual, rather boring. Not interesting. Not leading. Not cowardly, but following my own life, rather than in any way guiding it.

After a few days’ break (thanks to my wonderful wife & her boss/friend’s condo), I now type this with the goal of breaking the cycle. No, I’m not going to take assertiveness classes (I really can communicate when I choose to), and no, I’m not going to start making random decisions and stick to them “come hell or high water.” Those are arbitrary at best and counter-productive at worst.

Here’s what I am going to do.
1. Raise my baseline of professional skills. Meaning piano & organ technique. This step is the easiest, the one I already know what I need to do, and how I’ll do it. More on this later, perhaps. This is about self-esteem and professionalism. 'Nough said.
2. Increase my social interaction. The goal here: contact with other adults, resulting in more self-interest (meaning more interest by me about me) and more interesting things to share with others (me with family and friends). There are two options here, and I hope I find time to do both: join a chorus (or other musical ensemble), and volunteer (homelessness? School? One of those.). Getting out of the house to get me “out of myself.”
3. Increase my physical activity. This is the tough one. Yes, I’m out of shape, but I’m healthy. Not fit, but otherwise not bad. What benefits am I seeking, then? Increased energy (no more afternoon naps!), better mood (endorphins are good, I’m told), and better stress management (meaning less irritability, I hope). OK, so these are all good things—oh yes, and add a stronger back with fewer backaches along the way—but they’re all abstract, not quantifiable. And I don’t want to have to make time to get to the gym—it’s just far enough away that I refuse to spend the time in transit. So I’m going to exercise at home: jump rope, calisthenics (you know, Jumping Jacks, Burpees, even situps & pushups... that kind of thing). And if I can’t (or don’t) do this regularly, then I'll need to make time to get to the gym.

Is this too much to accomplish as a “New Year’s Resolution”? Yes. Which is why I don’t think of it that way, nor label it that. This is about changing how I choose to live my life (to sound grandiose about it), or, more simply, how I choose to act. These are additions—choices to add to what I already do, choices that I can make to become more of who I really am, rather than remaining a nebbische guy.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


As for item number 1, the key is: think and act short term to long term.
Piano: goals: continuing to develop finger strength, facility and control. Steps: first five-finger exercises, D and g scales, then beginning practice on the Beethoven, and Chopin (learning, not playing-through). Short practice sessions at first to build the muscles and muscle-memory I’ve lost (& abused).
Organ: Goal: pedal accuracy. Steps: first pedal-only exercises, then manuals & pedals. Incremental steps beyond what’s needed weekly.
Future piano needs: improve ear to finger connection, especially playing “by ear” and improv; transposing by half step, whole step, m3, M3; reading SAB, SATB scores.
Yes, there’s a lot in the “future” category. This is a Good Thing. There’s a lot of room for growth, and the start is developing a strong baseline. For now, it’s small steps toward building the basics.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Oh, and as for the choice I currently make that I want to keep: reading is important to me, and I want to continue learning to read Hebrew. These are strong choices, and need to be maintained. I can find time for these and accomplish the steps I’ve discussed here. No more nebbische.

Thank you, Mr. Rogers

Today I was directed to a video of Mr. Fred Rogers testifying before congress in 1969 about the importance of funding public television. It's a wonderful exchange between him and a key Senator--I especially appreciate the way he starts by saying simply and directly, "I trust you." What potent words those are!

Among his other powerful words are the words he uses to close every show:
"You've made this day a special day
by just your being you.
There's no person in the whole world like you
and I like you just the way you are."

I hope I remember to tell this to my son, my wife, my family and friends.

It's something we all need to hear and to remember.

two for the coming end of summertime...

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"I like that too," said Christopher Robin, "but what I like doing best is Nothing."
"How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.
"Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh.
"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.
"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
"Oh!" said Pooh.

from The House at Pooh Corner pp. 131, 173

from Lord Peter Wimsey

"...and, after all, it isn't really difficult to write books. Especially if you either write a rotten story in good English or a good story in rotten English, which is as far as most people seem to get nowadays. Don't you agree?"

Very briefly, today

I happened on a book that moved me deeply today, in the kids' section of our library. Kaddish for Grandpa in Jesus' Name Amen is a beautifully told story of a five-year-old girl whose grandfather dies, and how she and her Jewish & Christian family honor him and his memory. It's a wonderfully touching, sincere book. I hope other families find as rich and meaningful as I do.