No more Nebbische

As I thought about myself recently, especially over the last six weeks (or so) of 2012, I came to the conclusion that, somewhere along the line, I turned into a Nebbisch. Rather weak, rather ineffectual, rather boring. Not interesting. Not leading. Not cowardly, but following my own life, rather than in any way guiding it.

After a few days’ break (thanks to my wonderful wife & her boss/friend’s condo), I now type this with the goal of breaking the cycle. No, I’m not going to take assertiveness classes (I really can communicate when I choose to), and no, I’m not going to start making random decisions and stick to them “come hell or high water.” Those are arbitrary at best and counter-productive at worst.

Here’s what I am going to do.
1. Raise my baseline of professional skills. Meaning piano & organ technique. This step is the easiest, the one I already know what I need to do, and how I’ll do it. More on this later, perhaps. This is about self-esteem and professionalism. 'Nough said.
2. Increase my social interaction. The goal here: contact with other adults, resulting in more self-interest (meaning more interest by me about me) and more interesting things to share with others (me with family and friends). There are two options here, and I hope I find time to do both: join a chorus (or other musical ensemble), and volunteer (homelessness? School? One of those.). Getting out of the house to get me “out of myself.”
3. Increase my physical activity. This is the tough one. Yes, I’m out of shape, but I’m healthy. Not fit, but otherwise not bad. What benefits am I seeking, then? Increased energy (no more afternoon naps!), better mood (endorphins are good, I’m told), and better stress management (meaning less irritability, I hope). OK, so these are all good things—oh yes, and add a stronger back with fewer backaches along the way—but they’re all abstract, not quantifiable. And I don’t want to have to make time to get to the gym—it’s just far enough away that I refuse to spend the time in transit. So I’m going to exercise at home: jump rope, calisthenics (you know, Jumping Jacks, Burpees, even situps & pushups... that kind of thing). And if I can’t (or don’t) do this regularly, then I'll need to make time to get to the gym.

Is this too much to accomplish as a “New Year’s Resolution”? Yes. Which is why I don’t think of it that way, nor label it that. This is about changing how I choose to live my life (to sound grandiose about it), or, more simply, how I choose to act. These are additions—choices to add to what I already do, choices that I can make to become more of who I really am, rather than remaining a nebbische guy.


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As for item number 1, the key is: think and act short term to long term.
Piano: goals: continuing to develop finger strength, facility and control. Steps: first five-finger exercises, D and g scales, then beginning practice on the Beethoven, and Chopin (learning, not playing-through). Short practice sessions at first to build the muscles and muscle-memory I’ve lost (& abused).
Organ: Goal: pedal accuracy. Steps: first pedal-only exercises, then manuals & pedals. Incremental steps beyond what’s needed weekly.
Future piano needs: improve ear to finger connection, especially playing “by ear” and improv; transposing by half step, whole step, m3, M3; reading SAB, SATB scores.
Yes, there’s a lot in the “future” category. This is a Good Thing. There’s a lot of room for growth, and the start is developing a strong baseline. For now, it’s small steps toward building the basics.


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Oh, and as for the choice I currently make that I want to keep: reading is important to me, and I want to continue learning to read Hebrew. These are strong choices, and need to be maintained. I can find time for these and accomplish the steps I’ve discussed here. No more nebbische.